Huh? Wha'? Uh...

"Gah... Sorry. I'm not... centred right now. I'm a little out-of-sorts, not feeling myself," I said.

"Bull," she retorted. "You're sexually frustrated."

"Well... okay, yeah. Not your problem, not your responsibility, I'll take care of it, okay?"

"Look," she said. "It's okay. Totally understandable and natural state of being, all right? I'm not upset."

"Cool," I replied, relieved.

Later, I was still twitchy and "off". She looked at me in the eye and said, "Don't worry. You're going to be okay." It almost sounded like an invitation.

At night, I prepared for bed. As I came out of the bathroom, she took me in her arms and breathed, "Yes," in my ear. I wasn't sure what she meant until she started kissing me. I took her to the bed.

Not long afterwards, everything had fizzled to a complete halt. Somehow I had said or done or not said or not done something that had completely, utterly turned her off. She was angry and hurting and could not (or would not) tell me why. "It's nothing you did. It's got nothing to do with you," she insisted. "There are too many triggers for me. We have to fix some of those before we can really do this."

I tried to get her to tell me what the trigger was, but she wouldn't. I have no idea what to do: when to be bold, when to back off, when to give space, when to be close. I have no idea what turns her off so completely. I have no idea how to arouse her sexually. I try everything I can think of and after twelve years of marriage I still have no idea what makes her tick. And she can't, or won't tell me.

I tried to get her to talk to me, to try and learn what went so horribly wrong and changed her from apparently completely willing to furious so quickly. I reached out a hand to stroke her back. She didn't want me to touch her or talk to her. "You can sleep here," she said. "But I need my space."

But I couldn't sleep. So I went downstairs to the spare room and practised some loving self-care. I felt better. But I still can't sleep.