Eliminating Expectations

"I can't deal with your expectations," she said firmly. "I was co-dependent for so long... meeting your expectations was the greatest pressure in my life. Anything you expected, or anything I thought you expected, I was compelled to fulfill. I can't do that anymore."

I looked at her and smiled. "Look, I don't have any expectations right now. We're not 'together' yet. I'm just trying to earn you back. I'm not doing all these things for you to manipulate or control you. I'm not keeping score or trying to be fair. I don't expect any response. Wherever you are at is okay."

"What about sex?" she challenged. "You want sex with me, and when you don't get it, your whole face changes. You're disappointed. You get angry. I can tell."

"Beautiful, that's not an expectation. It's just a hope. I hope you'll want me. I hope you'll begin to desire me. I hope you'll fall in love with me. When you are distant from me, I feel sad.

"I'm not getting angry. I get sad when my hope is deferred. I'm working to eliminate even the hope that you will want to make love to me, so that I can concentrate on just loving you with all my heart, with no expectation or hope. I am concentrating on giving my love and heart to you, not on receiving love in return."

She looked at my earnest face skeptically, then dismissed me and walked away.