Wonder and Glory

"No expectations," she warned. And I agreed.

The evening passed, and I was comfortable and warm, enjoying her company. No thoughts of the future. No sexual desire. No longing. Just enjoyment.

I got ready to go downstairs to sleep, when she grabbed my shirt, pulled me close, and kissed me --- softly, tentatively, sweetly.

I kissed her back, and banished all thoughts of desire.

We sat together and talked. She was terrified of me, of being hurt by me again, of allowing herself to care about me again. She has every right to be afraid. I hurt her unspeakably. I stayed quiet and listened to her, respecting her boundaries, expecting nothing.

She invited me to bed. I expected nothing. We got partway there and stopped and talked more about her feelings, her fears, her hurts. I listened and admitted my wrongs and apologised and wept. She said, "I'm cold." "Shall I get you a blanket?" I asked. "There are blankets in bed," she said.

I followed her to bed. "Are you assuming you can come to bed with me?" she demanded, frightened. I backed up quickly. "Um, you invited me to bed, before, remember?"

"No expectations. Things can change at anytime."

I agreed, and told her that was fine. We talked a bit more, and she invited me into bed again. She turned off the lights, so that it was utterly black. She asked me to cuddle closely. I did, and quenched my ardor. No expectations. She asked me to hold her in my arms. I did, and clamped down on my desire. No expectations. She asked me to kiss her. I did, and concentrated on the moment, banishing hope. No expectations. She asked me to brush my teeth more thoroughly this time. I left the bed, brushed and mouthwashed, and returned to the room. I asked permission to enter the bed, which she granted. "Good," she said. "Thank you for asking permission."

She asked me to kiss her again, which I did, for a long time. Then she said, "You may kiss me one more time."

I kissed her again, and it went on and on. I tried to kill my desire, but I couldn't. I killed hope instead, lest hopes be dashed and I become angry. She became warm and soft beside me, and put my hand on her chest. "Buttons," she breathed. I slowly undid each button of her pretty flannel nightgown, stopping to caress her skin with each one. I avoided her breasts, lest my vision blur in a haze of lust and passion and desire. I caressed every part of her torso but her breasts instead.

No expectations.

"Will you wear a condom?" she asked. "Of course!" I agreed, and complied with her request. And she welcomed me into her body, indicating by her soft cries that she attained the peak before I. And then I held her in my arms all night long.