She is Gone

She left for New York on Sunday. We piled the into the car and drove three hours to the nearest airport. Had a really great time, actually.

She made a lot of very positive, off-hand comments, about enjoying my company, about how good-looking I am, about things we'll do when she returns. She held my hand often, and didn't get angry with me the whole trip. She was moderately affectionate, and allowed me to give her a pedicure/foot massage while she soaked, gloriously nude, in the tub at the hotel.

And she promised to come home again in a month, after her performance.

Meanwhile I am lonely, fighting depression. I am afraid that she will act too single while she's away. Conversely, I'm afraid she'll come back and say, "I've decided to divorce you." Or, almost worse, to stay as we are: no promises, no security, just day-by-day evaluation to see if Jack is worth being with. Jack giving everything with no hope of return. Infrequent sex, and very brief when it happens.

I try to focus on the now. I can do nothing for my relationship with the Lady now. I can only focus on the children and my own positive state of mind, my own growth.

It will be a long four weeks...